hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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