you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
