Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
