trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
