ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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