you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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