We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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