So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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