Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
