'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
