it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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