at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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