5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
