Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize