Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
