you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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