this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
