His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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