sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
