dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
