Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.