I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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