Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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