u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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