i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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