Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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