i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
