the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
