they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
