I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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