Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
