i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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