He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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