My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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