this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
