it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
