if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize