remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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