Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize