ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
