My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
