I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
