Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
