I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
