Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
