i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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