I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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