i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You left your phone here
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