I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
