Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
