four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
