Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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