I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drake has all the answers
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
