btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
