I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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