i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
