I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
