everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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