I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize