You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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