Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
