It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
