if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
