No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh god the rape fog is back!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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