i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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