it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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