I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
