That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
