i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
