i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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