this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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