I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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