Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
