So drunk its hurt
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
