i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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