What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
