Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize