just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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