I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
