i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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